April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month, a month I wish didn’t have to exist and hopefully one day it won’t. Unfortunately for many of us, the significance of this month hits close to home, whether it was us or someone close to us. When the #metoo movement hit, I thought, "awesome, finally some publicity." That excitement quickly shifted into anger and frustration. What should have been a movement to empower quickly became a movement that fueled even more ignorance. A movement that quickly led to the mocking of victims, finger-pointing, and victim shaming.

The #metoo movement initially motivated me to speak my truth, I was ready to tell my story of the handful of times I was sexualized by random adults as a child in the form of catcalls by passersby. To speak up about the times when older boys in my life victimized me. Or The high school incident when I wore a skirt and a classmate felt it was appropriate to reach up to it and grab me. When I defended myself, I was the one who got in trouble, he was excused because my actions were "excessive." As I became more verbal about my experiences, comments from those around me opened my eyes and truly surprised me. My circle has gotten smaller since then and I am ok with that.

The reality of being a 'victim' is that the burden of proof lies on your shoulders. Society is quick to point fingers and victim blame/shame. Even if you do have evidence, the situation is sometimes complicated. For instance, what if the perpetrator is a family member and you risk breaking up a family? Or what if you were at a party and you decided to partake in the festivities that may have included alcohol or other substances? You run of being blamed or not "innocent." What if you're in a relationship/marriage and your partner is the perpetrator? There is this idea that 'rape' cannot happen within a relationship, which is total BS, by the way!

Victims are frequently shamed for what happened or blamed in some way. Society doesn't make it safe to be brave enough to come forward. Victims are often isolated as part of their "grooming" process or threatened if they speak out. When someone finally feels comfortable speaking up, especially in public, this often inspires other victims to do so because they realize they aren't alone. This is why you often see groups of individuals come forward after someone else speaks out. The disclosure can lead to many other repercussions. Very rarely do these individuals 'profit' from coming forward, even when there is a monetary settlement. The result is that these people and their families are targeted, threatened, and have to uproot their entire lives. Take, for example, the recent trial of now-Supreme Court Justice, Brett Cavanaugh by his victim on college, Christine Blasey Ford. Dr. Ford is a highly successful doctor who had nothing to gain from her disclosure and everything to lose, precisely what happened. The only thing that causes sexual assault is predators.

As mental health professionals, we also have to watch our judgments of victims. I have heard too many times from A client that they were shamed for not reporting their assault. This shouldn't be the case; it is never our place to judge. It is our place to support, guide, and help the patient process what has happened. Just because they didn't report it doesn't make them any less worthy of treatment, and it DEFINITELY doesn't make them responsible for what "may" or "may not" happen to others by the perpetrator. This mentality is exactly what perpetuates the fear of coming forward. Don't even get me started on the stories I've heard from male clients as well, in regards to sexual assault and domestic violence. That could be a whole blog in and of itself... Newsflash: Men can be victims too. Stop telling them they "wanted it" or "it's not possible to rape a man."

Victims of sexual assault often develop various mental health problems, including PTSD, substance abuse, eating disorders, depression and personality disorders. Boundaries can be complicated; they're either very rigid or non-existent or at times pendulate between the two. Sexual assault can make developing healthy relationships very difficult. When a good partner comes along, something can trigger the victim or question whether they're 'worthy' of this relationship. Self-sabotage often proceeds. Or on the other end of the spectrum, stay in an unhealthy relationship because they feel that they can’t do any better. Take note of the fact that I mentioned a "spectrum" because there are many examples in between.

Sexual assault is a very complicated subject and it is something that can be addressed with professional help. There are various ways to go about this but find someone you feel comfortable with, someone you can trust to guide you through the process. If you're a mental health provider and aren't familiar with treating sexual abuse, I would encourage you to do your homework, go to training, and seek guidance and supervision. If all else fails, refer to someone who does. Victims already don't feel safe enough to talk about it but they shouldn't be made to feel that way in therapy.

On a final note, I can tell you from my own professional experience that working with victims of sexual assault is not always easy but can be so rewarding. You really do have the power to help someone heal on so many different levels.

If you have any questions or would like to suggest a topic for a future blog, you can reach out to me by email at Colleen@ScatteredPotential.com, subscribe to my blog or my newsletter by filling out the form below. Follow me on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.