Unhelpful thinking patterns we all fall victim to…

Unhelpful thinking patterns are very quick, automatic patterns of thinking that you have about yourself, others, and life in general and they are often in line with your core beliefs. They are typically negative, judgmental, exaggerated, inflexible, rigid, and very convincing. On top of that, they distort reality and contribute to feelings of depression, anger, stress, loneliness, hopelessness, helplessness, distrust, anxiety, and fear. Other terms for thinking distortions are “Cognitive Distortions”, “Negative Thinking Patterns”, “Thought Distortions”, or “Automatic Thinking.”

If you struggle with depression you may have the thought “I am lazy”, “What is wrong with me?” or “If I could just find the motivation….” If you’ve been diagnosed with anxiety you probably have a lot of “What if?” thoughts flying around at any given moment. ADHD sufferers most likely suffer from both of the previous two. Regardless of what brings you here, these thought patterns rob us of reaching our true potential.

Please read through this list and identify the styles you find yourself doing often. If you need to, go ahead and print it out or you can find these explained in the MoodTools or FearTools app available on iTunes and the Google Play Store. These apps are completely free and also have a handy tab to help you challenge them if you want to get a jump start for next week’s blog.

Common Unhelpful Thinking Styles: (Adapted from TPMG ‘Thought Distortions’)

Overgeneralization: Believing that because you had one bad experience, the bad experience will always repeat itself in similar situations. Using words like never, always, all, every, none, nobody, and everyone are clues that you may be overgeneralizing.

• I always screw up

• I will never find love

• Everyone thinks I am incompetent

Either/Or Thinking: Believing that situations are either wonderful and terrific or terrible and awful. Seeing people as either perfect or worthless.

• You have a disagreement with your best friend and think, “That’s it! You are not my friend anymore!”

• Your boss gives you a less than outstanding mark on your employee evaluation and you think, “I never do anything right! I am going to give up on this career!”

Rejecting the Positive: Discrediting or dismissing anything positive as unimportant or less valuable.

• Your boss compliments the work you did on a project and you think, “My part was really easy. Anyone could have done as good of a job.”

• Your friend tells you he likes the dish that you prepared for dinner and you think, “Well what does he know anyway? He’ll eat anything.”

Focusing on the Negative: Only paying attention to the negative parts of a situation or an event and disregarding the positive parts.

• You give a presentation to 50 people. All of the evaluations are positive, with one exception. You focus all of your attention on the one critical comment and feel like a failure.

• You had a great time going out with friends, but when it came time to go to the movie, the theater was sold out. The next day your partner asks you if you had a good time going out and you say, “No, we couldn’t get into the movie.”

Thinking Feelings Are Facts: Believing what you feel about yourself, other people, and situations must be true.

• You are in a new part of town and feel anxious. You think, “This feels scary here, therefore it must be a bad and scary place.”

• You are at a party where you don’t know many people and feel awkward and nervous. You think, “I must look like a complete weirdo to these people.”

Expecting Perfection: Making inflexible demands of yourself or others about how one “should”/“must”/“ought to” act. There is no allowance for variations in situations or changing conditions. 

• I must always be on time.

• Parents must always put aside their own needs/wants for the sake of their children.

Name-calling: Labeling yourself or other people with a negative name or stereotype.

• I am a loser

• I’m hopeless.

Feeling Controlled: Believing that you can’t influence the most important things in your life. This belief can lead to blaming situations or other people for your unhappiness. 

• What’s the point of applying for a promotion? My boss doesn’t like me anyway.

• If I leave him, he will fall apart.

Feeling All-responsible: Believing you have control or responsibility for everything and everybody. You must fill every need and comfort and hurt. If you don’t, you feel guilty. This results in blaming yourself.

• How can I possibly take a vacation now? The office will fall apart if I leave.

• If I had been a better parent, my daughter wouldn’t have gotten in trouble at school today.

Hoping for Heaven’s Reward: Expecting that personal sacrifice and self-denial will “pay off” in appreciation and returned favors. When this doesn’t work you feel resentful, hurt, or disappointed.

• I spent all day cleaning this house and no one even cares!

• I am the only one around here who works so hard and no one ever notices

Comparing Worth: Thinking that you are not good enough unless you are “as good as” someone else in all areas.

• She has a happy marriage, family, and a successful career. I am just staying at home raising the kids. I’m really going nowhere in life. I am just a failure.

Always Expecting Disaster: You notice or hear about a problem or situation and anticipate the worst possible outcome.

• Oh no! I made a mistake! Everyone is going to find out! This is so terrible! My reputation and my future are totally ruined!

• The maintenance light in your car comes on. You think, “Oh no! It’s probably something major, like a transmission. This is going to cost a fortune. How am I going to survive this one?”

Predicting the Future: You make a negative prediction about how something will turn out or how someone will act.

• I know I’ll never be able to stay on this diet.

• That group just won’t work for me. I can already tell just by looking at the name.

Believing You Can Read Minds: Thinking you know what someone is thinking or feeling without checking it out. 

• You decide not to ask a friend for help because s/he will say no anyway.

• You see a friend at a supermarket and she doesn’t say hello, so you decide she doesn’t like you.

To change this thinking we must first develop skills to help us recognize our unhelpful thinking patterns and recognize them as just that, unhelpful. We then must learn to challenge and modify them. We are going to learn to challenge them next week. Stay tuned!

If you have any questions, have something to add, or want to chat please feel free to do so by emailing me at Colleen@ScatteredPotential.com, subscribe to my blog, or my newsletter by filling out the form below. Follow me on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.