Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD)
Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria? What's that? Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, or RSD, is both an emotional and a neurological response to perceived or real rejection, criticism, or dismissal. The distress felt during an RSD episode can be devastating. RSD is commonly associated with ADHD and other neurodivergent diagnoses. It can cause significant emotional dysregulation in a group of individuals already hyper-sensitive to their own perceived shortcomings.
People with RSD often feel:
Extreme emotional pain when they feel rejected, ignored, or criticized (again, this can be real or perceived)
Intense shame and self-criticism, often replaying interactions over and over again in their minds
Anxiety and avoidance behaviors to protect themselves from potential rejection
Sudden emotional outbursts or withdrawal, feeling like they are "too much" or "not enough" or even both at the same time
A deep need for external validation and reassurance to feel secure in relationships
These feelings often come on suddenly and overwhelmingly, sometimes without any warning. What might have been a small misunderstanding or feedback can feel like an emotional gut punch for someone with RSD.
What might trigger RSD?
Criticism (again, real or perceived) - can feel like an attack
Being ignored or ghosted - sometimes this silence can feel even worse than outright rejection, which provides closure
Not being invited or included in something- even if we don't want to come, we still want the invitation (Silly? Yes, I know!)
Feeling misunderstood- if your intentions are misinterpreted or if someone doesn't see your value. This can lead the person with RSD to overexplain.
Failing to meet expectations - whether this is self-imposed or external, falling short can trigger intense self-loathing
One of the hardest parts about having RSD is that the rejection doesn't even have to be real; it can be all in our heads. This means that we often feel devastated over something that may not have even been intended as rejection. When there is real rejection, we can feel it in our souls.
What does RSD look like in real life?
People-pleasing: Constantly trying to be "perfect" or avoid disappointing others. We often sacrifice ourselves to make other people happy or overly reassure them.
Perfectionism and self-sabotage: Fear of failure that often leads to procrastination or avoiding challenges
Emotional outbursts or shutdowns (sometimes one followed by the other): extreme responses to rejection; this can sometimes lead to additional strain on a relationship
Fear of relationships and intimacy: Avoiding connection to prevent the risk of being rejected or the risk of yet another rejection
Career Struggles: Difficulty handling feedback (i.e.- focusing on the small constructive feedback in your annual review vs. seeing all the positive feedback)
RSD is exhausting, mentally and physically. You're constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop, being hyper-aware of a slight shift in someone's energy or self-sabotaging to self-preserve.
How to cope with RSD?
Recognize your triggers
Reframe your thoughts. Ask yourself:
a. Is this rejection real? Or am I assuming the worst? What evidence do I have?
b. Could there be another explanation?
c. What would I tell my friend if they were feeling this way?
Create a coping plan
Set boundaries with yourself and your relationships
Use positive or reassuring affirmations.
Journal
Seek therapy to address the root of the problem
If RSD is affecting your mental health, relationships, and daily life, therapy can be beneficial. There are therapists out there who specialize in ADHD/neurodivergence and the connection with RSD. They can help with emotional regulation and to process the deep-seated negative beliefs you have. Also, just a reminder you are not alone. ADDitudemag.com has plenty of articles on RSD because it is unfortunately so prevalent to those of us who are neuro-spicey.
You're not "too sensitive," you're just wired differently. You are not broken, you are not overreacting, and you are not alone. You've probably also experienced some level of trauma as a result of your "shortcomings" from being neurodivergent. We've spent most of our lives trying to be "normal" in a world that isn't made for us. We've had many years of developing a deep-seated belief that we are not good enough or worthy, so overcoming this isn't going to be an easy process.
By developing a better understanding of RSD and developing tools to manage it, you can take back control of your emotions. You are worthy of love, acceptance, and most importantly self-compassion. Remember you are not alone in this. We are your tribe and are here to welcome you with open arms.
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